Laughters

Cockroaches
Customer: Do you have and cockroaches? Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman. Customer: I would like 20,000 of them. Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches? Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I move it.


Fight Competition
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'Best Deals'. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'Lowest Prices'. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop - it read... 'Main entrance'.


Rowing Away
There was a old lady that was rowing a boat in a corn field. A man stopped and started yelling at her. A second man stopped and asked the first man why he was yelling. The first man said: "Can't you see the lady rowing in the dry corn field?" The second guy said: "Go out and tell her yourself!" The first guy said: "I Would but... I can't swim!"


Evil Brothers
There once were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They attended the same temple, and to everyone else, they appeared to be perfect Jews.One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fund raising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for the rabbi to see. "I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words." After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He cashed it immediately. At the funeral the next day, however, the rabbi did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said about the dead brother. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit an unselfish act." He railed on and on about the deceased. After nearly a half hour of the evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged his shoulders. Finally, he said, "But compared to his brother, he was a mensch."

Vice President Dick Cheney has argued that his office is not part of the executive branch of government (Mr.VP, doing the bidding of Halliburton does not make this office a subsidiary of it, i know it is very confusing, but the federal judge is quite clear about it. Remember to read the fine print carefully when you sworn in next time); in light of recent federal judge order to preserve a wide range of the records from his time as vice president.

The decision is a setback for the Bush administration in its effort to promote a narrow definition of materials that must be safeguarded under by the Presidential Records Act.

Cheney and the Executive Office of the President are in an effort to ensure that presidential records are destroyed or handled in a way that makes them unavailable to the public. Cheney chief of staff told Congress the vice president belongs to neither the executive nor legislative branch of government, but rather is attached by the Constitution to Congress. The vice president presides over the Senate. ( Great! now VP office is belong to house speaker instead of Halliburton; a new branch in government?)

Late Night Quips
"You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy; just get ready." -David Letterman

"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail. Today, she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska Governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin. because she's never been to the Deep South." -Conan O'Brien

"As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam." -Jay Leno

"Should we be nervous about a man who preaches against wasteful spending when his wife is wearing $300,000?" -Jimmy Kimmel

"John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go." -David Letterman

"Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as opposed to the Republican health care plan, where an accountant would stand between you and your health care." -Jay Leno

"I'm sure the change that John McCain wants to bring is very different from the change George Bush wanted to bring [on screen: video montage of speeches from Bush in 2000 and McCain this year talking about various ways of changing Washington -- all of them mirror each other]. Things are really going to be different now." -Jon Stewart