Laughters

The president ages twice as fast while in office, according to a theory advanced by a chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic. Chronic stress can produce lots of wear and tear on the body, changes in the appearance in the beginning and end of the presidency.

Former president Bill Clinton entered the office with a robust head of salt-and-pepper hair and a healthy habit of running. After bitter partisan battles, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and impeachment by the House, Clinton left office with wrinkles and powder-white hair.

Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout. - Hustler publisher prepare to take the absurdity of what is going on now with our federal bailout program to a whole new level. Adult entertainment industry needs $5 billion of your tax money because it, too, has been hit by the economic downturn although porn business still brings in $13 billion a year.

Difference In Form

The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the tax adviser gets your money.

Too Complicated

When a problem gets too complicated for the physicists, they hand the problem to the chemists.
When a problem gets too complicated for the chemists, it is handed over to the biologists.
And when biologists think it is too complicated, they give the problem to the sociologists.

Midnight Quips

"Insider tip. How many folks still have cars? Anybody here still have a car? You know, you can turn them in, take them in to Washington and they'll give you your money back. And Ford Motors, by God, Ford Motors is working on a brand new car called the Fusion. It's a hybrid and runs on a combination of gas and bailout money." --David Letterman

"The White House staff has been briefing Barack Obama's team on a series of worst-case scenarios that could face the country after President Bush leaves office. That's the latest. Yeah. Apparently, the absolute worst case scenario is that Bush doesn't leave office." --Conan O'Brien

"One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe Dick Cheney is the best Vice President ever. Everybody else in the poll believes that that one percent should be wearing funny hats." --David Letterman

Vietnam decided to manufacture its own cars instead of importing them from abroad, by doing so, government figured out they can raise their current account revenue and introduce their fuel efficiency technology to the world.