Laughter

Toyota Motor Corp. is recalling about 3,800 Lexus LS sedans in the U.S on Friday to fix problem with the vehicle's steering system following a similar recall in Japan.

The recall affects some 2009 and 2010 LS 460 and LS 600h sedan. The automaker has been working to react faster to problems after coming under government scrutiny and being slapped with a record $16.4 million U.S fine for its slow response to its accelerator pedal recalls. It is also facing hundreds of states and federal lawsuits. Those recalls affected more than 8 million vehicles worldwide.

To prevent another massive recall and punish with hefty fine from government, Toyota president also reveal the company 2011 new "Cowrolla" zero greenhouse gases emission model; in which he guarantee to the company loyal customers and the public they should not have to worry about any safety issue related recall again in the future.

Laughters

Who's Fatima?
A woman tourist name Fatima from an oil rich country recently file a law suit in Australia against the immigration department and its custom officer for denying her the right to entry, base on the ground of religion and sex discrimination. She claims that even though she had handed over her passport at the custom checkpoint, the custom officer refuses to recognize her as the legal owner of her travel document.



'English ' sign boards from around the world:

Bangkok's temple - "IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER ; IF DRESSED AS A MAN"

Cocktail lounge, Norway - " LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR"

Doctor office, Rome - " SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES"

Dry cleaner, Bangkok - " DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."

In a Nairobi restaurant - " CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER" On the main road to Mombasa, Nairobi - " TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant, China - " OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS"

In a cemetery, Italy - " PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES"

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations - "GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED"

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant - " OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR"

In a Tokyo bar - " SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS"

Hotel, Yugoslavia - " THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID"

Hotel, Japan - " YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID"

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery - " YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY"

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest - " IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE
TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE"

Hotel, Zurich - " BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE "

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen - " WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS"

A laundry in Rome - " LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME"

Laughters

If you don't know what is babysitting , you should know it now.






Answering Machine Messages :

1.Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now because my girlfriend and I are doing our favorite thing together; so I’ll get back to you when we finish our business. Please leave you name and phone number after the beep.

2. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep, then leave your name and phone number.

3. Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as i find it.

4. Please leave a beep after this message.

5. Please leave your message quickly after the beep; and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

6. Hi. This is James : If you are the collection agency, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my friend, state your name and wait.

7. Hi, i can not answer you phone right now, After the tone, please leave your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about you.

Laughters

For every parent out there, if you ever wonder what your son going to be when he grow up, just pay attention of his daily activity will give you an accurate prediction of the most likely professional he will become : -





"Disorder in the American Courts" are sentences actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ ______
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?
____________ _________ ______
ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that question?
__________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, he could have been alive and practicing law.



Your surest way to NO CALL list. If you ever get tire of telemarketer keep calling you in every hour of the day, there are five ways to stop her from irritating you anymore :-

1. Ask her to repeat everything she say several times,tell her you forget what she had just said.
2. Tell her it is dinner time, ask if she would please hold, put her on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Chew your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
3. Tell her you have trouble in hearing her, and she need to speak out louder..louder ...and louder.
4. Tell her to speak very slowly because you need to write every word down.
5. Tell her to call on your office number and give her the closet funeral home phone number.




Tianzi Hotel, Son Of Heaven Hotel, or 天子大酒.

This hotel is located in Hebei Province, China and built around 2001, it is 41.6M high (10 storeys) and was designed to represent good fortune, prosperity and longevity.

Laughters

Queen of England having a photo session with her Scottish royal guard. Please don't pay too much attention to anything underneath the skirt.





Various stages of man's life , from cradle to grave.







Sign of global warming - If anyone still have any doubt about the claim of global warming, you can find a direct proof of it happening here.







Japanese fashion designer introduced new designer jean - motto is " Let's bring sexy back to our world".






Rest Room Sign
Some of the funny signs you can find in toilet around the world.



Oh My God
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, ' My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ' Father ' ' .
The second Catholic man chirps, ' My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ' Your Grace ' ' .
The third Catholic gent says, ' My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ' Your Eminence ' ' .
The fourth Catholic man chirps, ' My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ' Your Holiness ' ' .
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, ' Well...? ' She replies, ' I have a daughter. She is FAT, tall and 46-57-63.. When she walks into a room, people say, ' Oh My God !..... ' '

Hilarious Names

The reason why Chinese shouldn't have christian name is quite obvious , some have special meaning in Mandarin or Cantonese :



Anne Chang - Dirty
Anne Chin - keep quiet
Faye Chen - Dusty
Jane Tan - Frying eggs
Henry Mah - Hate your mother
Paul Chan - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong - Trash bin
Connie Mah - Call your mother
Macy Koh - Never die before
Pete Tsai - Nose dropping ( Taiwai native language)
Carl Cheng - Buttock ( T )
Rosie Teng - nails n screws ( T )

Laughters

The president ages twice as fast while in office, according to a theory advanced by a chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic. Chronic stress can produce lots of wear and tear on the body, changes in the appearance in the beginning and end of the presidency.

Former president Bill Clinton entered the office with a robust head of salt-and-pepper hair and a healthy habit of running. After bitter partisan battles, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and impeachment by the House, Clinton left office with wrinkles and powder-white hair.

Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout. - Hustler publisher prepare to take the absurdity of what is going on now with our federal bailout program to a whole new level. Adult entertainment industry needs $5 billion of your tax money because it, too, has been hit by the economic downturn although porn business still brings in $13 billion a year.

Difference In Form

The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the tax adviser gets your money.

Too Complicated

When a problem gets too complicated for the physicists, they hand the problem to the chemists.
When a problem gets too complicated for the chemists, it is handed over to the biologists.
And when biologists think it is too complicated, they give the problem to the sociologists.

Midnight Quips

"Insider tip. How many folks still have cars? Anybody here still have a car? You know, you can turn them in, take them in to Washington and they'll give you your money back. And Ford Motors, by God, Ford Motors is working on a brand new car called the Fusion. It's a hybrid and runs on a combination of gas and bailout money." --David Letterman

"The White House staff has been briefing Barack Obama's team on a series of worst-case scenarios that could face the country after President Bush leaves office. That's the latest. Yeah. Apparently, the absolute worst case scenario is that Bush doesn't leave office." --Conan O'Brien

"One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe Dick Cheney is the best Vice President ever. Everybody else in the poll believes that that one percent should be wearing funny hats." --David Letterman

Vietnam decided to manufacture its own cars instead of importing them from abroad, by doing so, government figured out they can raise their current account revenue and introduce their fuel efficiency technology to the world.

Laughters

If you happen to see like what others can see in the photo, then you will get the idea why USA 's economy is in such a horrible state now, it is because we have a "genius" as a sitting president . A man who can read sentences up side down and see through binocular with cover on.






The world's fastest swimmer and holder of seven world records in swimming.

Laughters

911

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"
The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."

Health Club Meeting

Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine."
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently."
"Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?"
"Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."

The Deaf Wife

A man is talking to the family doctor.. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

Burst Pipe

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Feeling Guilty

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

Slightly Confusing

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"
He replied, "To the kitchen."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replied, "Sure."
She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."
He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

Yugo

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.
The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo.
When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?"

Black Box

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Uh oh."
Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

Fascinate
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating." The teacher says, "No that's fascinating." Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated." The teacher says, "No that's fascinated." So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but she's so big she could only fasten eight!



Pearly Gates
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations." St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."


Test Of Time
A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father." "Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

Midnight Quips:
You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, they're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. " --David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.'" --Conan O'Brien

"U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here's what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you $750 billion." --Jay Leno

"The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves. Well this week Ford did its part. Ford unveiled a new hybrid, the Ford Fusion, which will get almost 40 miles to the gallon. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, and when asked how much it would cost, a spokesman for Ford said, '$25 billion.' They just want that money; they don't care. That's without mud flaps." --Conan O'Brien

During his usual meet the press session in the white house, Bush was asked by a reporter what is his greatest achievement and proudest moment during his eight years of presidency? Bush answered that the lowest job approval rating he got in the history of USA is the greatest achievement among all and is his proudest moment in the white house. - Jay Lano

Laughters

Interesting classified advertisements in my Sunday newspapers:

1) Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never need to go anywhere again.
2) Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
3) Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
4) Stock up and save. Limit: one.
5) Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale
6) 3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
7) Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
8) Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion show. Good benefit and big salary.
9) Dinner special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children only $1.00
10) For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
11) Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
12) For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
13) Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Laughters

Sin
A minister was delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation.
Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood.
Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher said, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?"
One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet.
"So, Mr Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?"
"No, sir", the man replied, "I'm just standing for my wife's first husband!"


Quiet
A Sunday school teacher was talking to her young pupils about how they should behave in church.
"Now," she said, "who can tell me why you should be quiet when you are sitting with your parents in church?"
One little girl put up her hand. "Yes Jane, tell everyone why!" said the teacher.
Replied Jane, "Because people are trying to sleep!"

Daughter’s Marriage

A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

"Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy."
"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the man. "You can take her with you.

Bigger Turkey

A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs six pounds.

The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds
"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"

Technical Problem

Technical Support: "I need you to right-click on the desktop."
Customer: "Ok."

Technical Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Technical Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."

Technical Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Yes, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Running To The Bank

A primary school teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Now imagine this," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and calling for help. His wife hears the noise, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she runs to the bank?"

A little girl raised her hand and asked, "Was it to draw out all his savings?"

"Man invented technology, but technology changed man!"

Factory Whistle

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"


New Cell Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" His wife replied, "I just love. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. The blonde replied, "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Naming Generation:-
The Silent Generation ,people born before 1946;

The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.

Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.

Generation Y - people born between 1980 and 1995 .

Why do we call the last one generation Y?

Laughters

Tragedy

One of the presidential candidates was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the candidate if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, the candidate asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said the candidate, "that would be an accident."

A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the candidate said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The candidate searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If your campaign plane, carrying yourself and your running mate, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."

"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the candidate.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as heck wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."

3^rd Grade

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here; I should be in the third grade!'

Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions. 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher. 'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.
'Pockets!' said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, "Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'

Smartest Dog

A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones.

Seeing the bones, the doctor turns to the others and says, "I'm going to prove to you two that my dog is the smartest. Watch this!" He then calls his dog over and says, "Bones! See the bones? Go get 'em!" The dog rushes over to the pile, rummages around for a bit, and then proceeds to build a replica of the human skeleton, perfect down to the last detail. The doctor grins smugly; after all, his dog has just built a human skeleton from animal bones.

The engineer, however, is totally unimpressed. "That's nothing," he says. "Watch this." He calls his dog over, and points out the pile. "Bones! Get the bones!" The dog rushes over, tears down the skeleton, and in its pl

ace builds a perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower. It even has a little French flag waving at the top. The doctor is forced to agree that the engineer's dog is, in fact, smarter than his own.

The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. "My dog is smarter," he says. "Watch." He then calls his dog over, points to the pile, and says simply, "Bones." The dog rushes over to the pile, tears down the tower, eats half the bones, buries the other half, and takes the rest of the afternoon off.

Skydiving Question

Recently, I got to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Midnight Quips
"The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed." --Jay Leno

"By the way, if you want to get Hillary a gift, you can't go wrong with a gift certificate from Bed, Bath and Bitterness." --David Letterman

"With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? .... The costume costs $150,000." --Jay Leno

"The other day, a guy who played a game of basketball against Barack Obama said that Obama spent the whole game trash talking. He also said Obama’s trash talking is 'eloquent, high-minded, and inspirational.'" --Conan O'Brien