The House of Representatives passes an unprecedented $700 billion bailout of Wall Street.
College Son
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
Q and A
Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
What did you learn in school today? A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow! I'm learning ancient history? A:So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
Question Answered
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
What $2 Can Buy
The pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, just to make conversation.
Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"
"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.
"Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"
"Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."
Bidding Higher
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he
was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?
Birthday Cake
A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, "Put getting older but you are getting better".
The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said '
Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.'
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, those chickens crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chic ken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! รข?' That, every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or with us. There is no middle ground here.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?
LEE KUAN YEW: We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.
SAMY VELLU: Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.
NAJIB RAZAK: What chickens? I don't know any chickens...especially those from
ABDULLAH BADAWI: We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the r oad, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz.......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal
Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.
MAHATHIR: Now even non-bumiputra chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard bumiputra chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our
special privilege and no one can challenge that!
ANWAR: We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.
Contract Procurement In Malaysia
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Parliament house. One from MIC another from MCA and the third, from the UMNO.They go with a government official to examine the fence.
The MIC contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The MCA contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The UMNO contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, '$2,700’. The official, incredulous, whispers, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
The UMNO contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from MCA to fix the fence.' 'Done!' reply the government official.
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