laughters

"President Bush spoke about the Wall Street bailout yesterday, and he said, this is the quote, 'if the money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down.' So folks, if we know nothing else at this point, at least we know that President Bush is writing his own speeches." --Conan O'Brien

"The nation's largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to 'screw you.'" --Jay Leno

"Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said that the proposed bailout plan will cost taxpayers $700 billion. To give you an idea how much money that is, I can't give you an idea of how much money that is." --Seth Meyers

"But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less banks. B, the banks don't have any money left. And C, nobody's got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime is down!" --Jay Leno





CEOs still qualified for big severance packages and their golden parachutes; include cash,benefits,stock options, and other forms of compensation after the sub-prime fiasco and taxpayer bail out.

· Richard Fuld - Total: $24 million - Company: Lehman Brothers.
· Richard Syron - Total: $16 million - Freddie Mac.
· James Cayne - Total: $13 million - Bear Stearns.
· Daniel Mudd - Total: $8 million - Fannie Mae.
· Robert Willumstad - Total: $22 million (was declined) - AIG

Tough Question

Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.

Redneck Eulogy

What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
"Hey, y'all ... Watch this!"

Street Name

A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

Doctor Knows All

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Quality Person

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"

China communist central planning committee come out with some great ideas in memory of their greatest revolutionary leader "Chairman Mao"; apart from just producing baby milk formula and SARS virus.